This is how I feel right now, but with more hair
At what point do you accept that actually you’re not tired – that actually this feeling that you may once have called tiredness is just the norm now?
I’m getting to a point that I’m so used to being tired, there hardly seems any point mentioning it. Or more accurately, that I sound like such a broken record of someone saying they are tired that I’m bored of remarking on it – and I’m sure my husband is. Maybe it’s just being a parent? Maybe I’m getting soft? Maybe I work too hard? Maybe it’s just getting a bit… older?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not exhausted-sleep-deprived-crying-can’t-function tired, like I was when I had a newborn baby, or even an 8 month old who wouldn’t sleep longer than two hours at night. I sleep well (well I think I do – I’m asleep at the time so I can’t really tell you how good quality the sleep is). It actually doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get – I’m normally up at around 7am and asleep by 11pm – often keen to get into bed before then. Then I wake up feeling pretty damn tired.
I’m not complaining or asking for sympathy (I mean, I won’t turn it down) but it’s just something I’ve been forced to wonder.
I’m certainly eating enough, and regularly enough too. It’s not always unhealthy either, although I do like the odd takeaway at the weekend and to unwind with a drink, but not every day. What would life be without some pleasures? I shun hangovers so the drinking really is usually moderate. Taking care of a two year old is NOT FUN with a hangover.
Perhaps its all the screen work I do at the agency, 8 hours a day? I try to take breaks, go for a walk to get a cup of tea, get some fresh air at lunchtime (admittedly not tons when it’s freezing and January). It could just be that I have my physical limitations, and 8 hours of concentrating and jumping from task to task is all it takes to wear me out now. Is one or two cups of coffee a day too much and I’m experiencing some sort of adrenal burnout ? (Thank you Dr Google – keeping hypochondriacs busy since 1997)
Speaking of the doctor, there’s apparently nothing wrong with me. No convenient low iron or vitamin D. After work and at the weekend, if I’m not on bed and bath duty, I’ll do a short yoga or pilates practice and try to squeeze in a jog occasionally. So I do get some exercise too. But it’s rare that I’ll find the energy reserves to write a blog or draw something after that too.
And if I’m not in work, LP does keep me busy. Lifting him, placing him down, getting up to check what he is doing when all goes quiet, going upstairs to get ‘Monkey’, making and serving his three meals a day plus snacks, planning the next move, planning the rest of the week, tidying up after him, teaching and correcting words…
Catch me if you can
Maybe it is the parenting – and all the planning that goes with it. Maybe it’s the fact that alone time – or me time – is so much harder to carve out. Or the fact that since he has been born, there has never really been a moment where I haven’t been thinking about him on some level – what he needs, what is coming up next, some cute thing that he learned.
Or maybe this is just the new normal and I was always going to start feeling more tired, more easily when I got to 31? I just didn’t think it would be so early…
I may have been too tired to write on my own blog recently, but I did contribute something at work to World Vision’s campaign aimed at inspiring people to sponsor a child – The Many Things My Child Needs. We did this as part of a blogger outreach project – if you’d be interested to get involved, please get in touch.
And if tiredness is the new normal for you too – let me know.